Grunk orc.
Grunk big and green and wearing pants. That good: pants important.
Grunk not just have pants. Grunk have helmet and boots and shirt and sword too. That because Grunk in army.
Grunk have box, too. Grunk boss give box to Grunk. Tell Grunk, bring box to big castle at end of road.
But it long road. Boss say there forest and town and other thing like that before Grunk find castle. So far, Grunk not see any of that yet. Just see lots and lots of road. And now it getting dark.
Grunk get hungry, too.
But that OK, because Grunk find farm! It not big farm, but it have house and field and barn. And it smell like cow. Mmm, tasty cow.
Now Grunk wondering: Grunk go to house to get food, or just go to field to find tasty cow?
Field easy to find. It big grassy place with fence around it. There gate, too. That good, because Grunk not good at climbing.
Cow not so easy to find. Grunk smell cow, but not see cow. Maybe that because it too dark? Or maybe cow just better at climbing fence than Grunk.
Grunk find fairy, though. Fairy glow in dark, so them easy to find. Fairy look like sprite, but more glowy. (Grunk know sprite. Him name "Villicent". Villicent know all about music. But this fairy not Villicent. It not even sprite. It not even talk to Grunk. It just fly away. Oh well.)
But fairy leave behind mushroom circle. Grunk hungry, so Grunk take some mushroom. Put them in Grunk pocket for later. Now Grunk pocket so full of mushroom that them almost falling out. Maybe Grunk go look for cow some other place now, like by barn. Or maybe Grunk just eat mushroom instead.
House not very big. Grunk think that if there food in house, it probably in kitchen room. That probably at back side of house, not front side. So Grunk go around back side of house. But when Grunk get there, Grunk hear two voice inside!
"Jack! Did you sell it?" (This voice sound like woman.) "How much money did you get?"
"I got something better than money, Mom!" (That voice sound like boy voice.) "I got these!"
"Jack! We need money, not beans!"
"But Mom, they're magic!"
"You've got your father's brains, Jack."
Then lots of bean fly out of window and hit Grunk in head! So Grunk pick up bean, because bean can be tasty. Put them in pocket. Now Grunk pocket so full of bean that them almost falling out. Grunk think that maybe this not good time to go in house. Maybe Grunk go look around by barn instead. Or maybe Grunk just eat bean!
Barn big red building with big door and big smell. Smell like animal. Or like Grunk brother. Grunk mom and dad say some time that Grunk and brother act just like animal. Brother smell like one too.
Outside barn, there yard with dirt and chicken and barrel. Chicken walking around yard, pecking at ground. Maybe chicken looking for food too. It walk around near barrel, so Grunk look inside of barrel too.
Barrel full of grain! Grunk know that grain food! Or it thing that food made out of, anyway. Wonder if grain tasty by itself? Maybe Grunk not need find cow if Grunk can eat grain instead.
Wait, that silly. There chicken here! Grunk know that chicken taste good. So why not just eat chicken!
Or maybe there even more tasty thing inside barn...
It not easy choice.
Mmm, chicken...
Grunk try one little mushroom.
Ugh! It taste nasty. Grunk leave rest of them in pocket.
Now Grunk feel funny, too. Moon turning funny color. Look like rainbow shining down on Grunk! It so bright that maybe Grunk can touch rainbow. Try climbing up, but Grunk just fall down. Then Grunk see lady climbing down rainbow from moon!
Moon lady singing moon song that Grunk not know, but Grunk know that it very pretty song. Make Grunk feel like dancing. So Grunk dance, and moon lady dance with Grunk, and Grunk dance with moon lady, and...
...then Grunk wake up in yard outside of barn with chicken. Oh well. Maybe moon lady just dream. Or maybe moon lady just turn into chicken.
But at least there food here! There whole barrel of grain, so Grunk can eat that. Or Grunk can eat chicken! (It probably not really moon lady. Grunk hope.) Or Grunk can just go in barn.
Grunk eat one bean. Not bad. But bean better when it cooked, so Grunk leave rest of them in pocket. Cooking bean need pot and water and fire. And Grunk not have pot or water or—
Wait. Grunk head feel itchy. Like Grunk hair growing. Grunk never feel hair growing before. Take off helmet to feel it. That not hair! It viney stalky plant thing! There plant growing out of Grunk head!
That not right!
At time like this, Grunk remember what Aunt Hruka do. It always work for her, so maybe it work for Grunk.
Grunk run around and around, waving both arm in air.
It work! When Grunk tired from running, Grunk feel head again, and vine all fall out! Phew. Grunk need to thank Aunt Hruka when Grunk see her.
After all that running, Grunk end up next to barn building. There chicken here, and there barrel of grain here, and there barn here. So Grunk could try eating chicken or eating grain or eating -- um. Grunk mean entering barn. Not eating barn.
Grunk grab big handful of grain. Munch munch munch.
Ugh.
Grain not as tasty as Grunk hope.
Grunk think that bread come from grain, but this not taste like bread. Bread taste soft and bready. Grain taste hard and grainy. Too bad Grunk not know how grain turn into bread. Maybe it magic.
It not really seem fair, though: Grunk hungry and there big barrel of food here, and Grunk not able to eat any of it! That just like when it rain on really special day. But even worse, because Grunk hungry.
Oh well. Grunk can still try eating chicken instead. Or maybe there some better thing to eat inside of barn.
Mmm, chicken! Grunk run up to chicken and grab it!
Oops, chicken see Grunk coming. It go "buck-ack!" and run other way so Grunk just grab big handful of Grunk hand.
But that OK! Grunk try again! If chicken run in circle, Grunk run in circle! If chicken go behind barrel, Grunk go behind barrel! If chicken run between Grunk leg, Grunk... fall over.
Hmm. Catching chicken harder than Grunk expect. Maybe chicken smart. Grunk know chicken not smart as pig. So chicken probably not smart as Grunk, either. Maybe chicken just get lucky.
Oh well. Grunk can still eat grain. Chicken want grain, but chicken not getting any, because chicken mean to Grunk, not letting Grunk catch and eat it. Maybe Grunk not even stay here with chicken. Maybe Grunk go inside barn instead.
Oooh. Barn not full of cow. Or chicken. Or grain.
Barn full of cheese!
There lots of shelf full of cheese. White cheese and yellow cheese and blue cheese and one that look like it glowing green. Hard cheese and squishy cheese. There cheese that smell so good that Grunk drool and there other cheese that smell so bad Grunk that Grunk wonder if cheese can die and no one find out until it too late.
There one cheese that look just right. So Grunk lean over big tall can of old milk to get it. But Grunk pocket too full, and when Grunk lean over, thing fall out into can.
Milk in can start bubbling and turning color. Think maybe something magic fall in, because now milk in can climbing out of can. And it getting bigger. It bigger than Grunk, even! Milk turning into giant cheese monster!
Oh no! Should Grunk fight giant cheese monster? Or should Grunk try talking to giant cheese monster?
Grunk have sword! And cheese monster not have sword. So Grunk run across barn at cheese monster, swinging sword!
Cheese monster go "gloobidigloop!" and Grunk go "Rarr!" and Grunk cut off bit of cheese monster and cheese monster hit Grunk in head with big hand made of cheese!
It really good fight! Must be strong cheese.
Hey, Grunk just cut off that arm! No fair growing it back!
Grunk keep cutting off piece of cheese, and cheese monster keep backing up. Ha ha! Now cheese monster back up against far wall, away from Grunk.
Grunk almost win, but how to finish it off? Grunk can just throw sword at cheese monster and stick it to wall that way. Or Grunk can keep cutting off bits until cheese monster just big pile of cheese.
Grunk say, "Hello, cheese monster!"
Cheese monster say, "gloopy gloop gloop?"
Grunk think maybe that cheese monster talk for "Hello, Grunk."
Grunk say, "Grunk never meet cheese monster before!"
Cheese monster say, "gloobidy gloop!"
Grunk say, "Grunk orc. Grunk in army. Grunk looking for castle where Grunk can bring box."
Cheese monster say, "glerp."
Grunk think that maybe cheese monster not have much to say because cheese monster not cheese monster for very long. Before that, cheese monster just old milk.
Hmm. What Grunk say next? Maybe say nice thing about cheese monster? Or maybe not so nice thing. It still monster, after all. And for all Grunk know, maybe "glerp" mean "Grunk look like big smelly head."
Cheese monster up against wall, so Grunk throw sword across barn at it!
And cheese monster duck out of way!
Uh-oh. Now Grunk not have sword. And cheese monster still mad.
Cheese monster come at Grunk, waving both fist! Cheese monster hit Grunk! Grunk hit cheese monster! Cheese monster hit Grunk! Grunk hit cheese monster! Cheese monster stronger than Grunk! And Grunk afraid if Grunk hit too hard, Grunk hand get stuck in cheese.
This not looking good.
Then cheese monster hit Grunk hard, and Grunk fall down on floor!
Oh no! Grunk in trouble now. Cheese monster standing over Grunk. Grunk lying on back. What can Grunk do? Maybe Grunk can kick cheese monster? Grunk know good spot for kicking person in, but Grunk not know if cheese monster have same bits that some person have there. Maybe it better if Grunk just try running away, maybe even try getting sword back.
Grunk know that hitting cheese monster with sword work so far, so Grunk keep hitting cheese monster with sword. If cheese monster grow back foot, Grunk cut foot off. If cheese monster grow back head, cut head off. If cheese monster show Grunk finger, Grunk cut finger off.
Cheese monster keep growing back part, but cheese monster not get any bigger. Every time Grunk cut piece off, there less cheese monster left. Soon, there big pile of foot and head and finger, and only little cheese monster! Ha ha. Cheese monster figure it out too, and it run away into mouse hole in barn wall. But that OK, because now Grunk have lots and lots of cheese!
Cheese monster cheese tastiest cheese that Grunk ever eat. Grunk eat and eat and eat cheese monster parts until Grunk so full that Grunk not want any more. Yum!
Then Grunk burp and take nap.
-END-
[Start over.]Grunk tell cheese monster how much Grunk like cheese. Not mention part about how Grunk like eating cheese. Say that cheese smell nice and it come in pretty color.
And Grunk tell cheese monster that it even better than normal cheese, because normal cheese just sit there. But cheese monster can walk and do thing and even talk. At least, Grunk think "gloopy gloop" mean talking. It close enough.
Grunk tell joke; cheese monster laugh. Grunk tell cheese monster that maybe Grunk and cheese monster can drink beer together some day. Cheese monster hug Grunk. Aw. It all sticky and cheesy, but that OK.
Grunk tell cheese monster that Grunk hungry, so cheese monster go up to farm house, help Grunk find food. There woman and boy in there, but them run away when them see cheese monster. Oh well. That just mean more food for Grunk and Grunk new friend!
-END-
[Start over.]Grunk tell cheese monster how much Grunk like cheese. Grunk like cheese between bread, and cheese on cracker, and cheese with slice of apple. Cheese tasty, and Grunk like eating cheese.
Cheese monster not look so happy about that.
Grunk tell cheese monster how Grunk cut up cheese with knife. Tell it how Grunk put cheese in fire so it get all melty. Grunk tell cheese monster how Grunk like biting off hunk of cheese and chewing it up.
This special kind of fight, called "wit".
But cheese monster maybe not know about wit, because cheese monster not try saying mean thing back at Grunk. It just knock Grunk down instead! Grunk even drop sword. Now Grunk lying on back, and cheese monster still standing there.
What can Grunk do? Kick cheese monster? Grunk know good spot for kicking person in, but Grunk not know if cheese monster have same bits that some person have there. Maybe it better if Grunk just try running away, maybe even try getting sword back.
Grunk kick cheese monster right in place that it hurt!
But it not hurt cheese monster.
And cheese monster sticky and gooey.
And Grunk boot very hard. It sink deep inside of cheese monster.
And now Grunk leg stuck in cheese.
And cheese monster even more angry than before.
This not looking good for Grunk. Not good at all.
Grunk try fighting back, but cheese monster jump on Grunk. It all cheese fist and cheese mouth and cheese leg and cheese body and...
...and so gooey and sticky and cheesy...
...and it all over Grunk, and it all over floor, and it all over everywhere...
...and Grunk not get to eat cheese, because cheese eat Grunk.
That not what Grunk hoping for at all. End up eating raw grain instead. And Grunk still finding bit of cheese in ear two month later.
-END-
[Start over.]Cheese monster jump on Grunk!
But Grunk roll away just in time! Ha ha.
Now cheese monster on floor, and Grunk crawling away to get sword. Grunk get back up again, with sword now. Cheese monster get back up too. Now cheese monster and Grunk on opposite side of barn. Grunk watching cheese monster. Cheese monster watching Grunk.
Maybe Grunk need try something different. Old plan not work out so great. Or maybe Grunk just not do it right. So what should Grunk try now? Talk? Fight? Dance? No, not dance. Grunk not very good at dancing, and cheese monster not look like it any good at dancing either. Better just stick to talking or fighting.